Who am I?

Before you bloggers read on, I hope you are all sitting down. This is serious. Hell has officially frozen over. Be warned.

I own a juicer. And it's easier to use than Rawboy's. It's easy to clean. It's white. It's quiet. It's quick. It's spectacular.

Carrot juice, hear me roar. I'm going to juice everything in the fucking house, even the dog. The neighbors will call the cops. The streets will be blocked off. Child services will come. I'll be on national news as the crazy juicer lady.

Give me celery, or give me death.

I'll keep you posted.