Bullshit.

Soooooo, I know there are thousands of readers out there who have been losing sleep over the thought of me seducing my roommate. Rest well, blog readers. The impulse is gone, swept out of me like a thief in the night- for now. I don't even really know how it happened. One minute I was shopping for organic milk at Kroger, and the next minute I was saying to myself "fuck this." This, as in "the act of pining over a man". And it was gone. Maybe it was because he told me it wasn't going to happen. Not sure. But I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, leaving me free to go on with my uneventful life as it was. Yes, Rawboy and I had "the talk" about my secret desire to violate him. This talk was initiated by myself, of course, the morning after my last post, "Fuck". I mean, afterall, it is my house, and I won't be walking around feeling uncomfortable every time he decides to hack coconuts in a tank top. He must know. We must get it out in the open, clearing the thick fog of sexual tension in the air. So I sat down next to him on the couch as he read his copy of Raw Times and very simply said "You have a strong sexual energy and it makes me uncomfortable", give or take a few extra New Age words. And just as I suspected, he agreed. Oh, not about a mutual discomfort, but about his strong sexual energy. Almost as if to say "Why, yes! These ARE Bugle Boy jeans I am wearing. So deal with it, bitch." And I am. Dealing with it.

We went to lunch and discussed my delima further. There's something very sexy about a raw foodist breaking down and eating a burger. As a matter of fact, I, at this very moment, have realized the very first time a dirty thought about my roommate entered my mind. He stood in the kitchen once, slowly eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What is it that is so incredibly masculine about a guy and a PBJ? Is it the "bacheloresque" simplicity of the sandwich? Or is it because this somewhat uptight, meticulous, food processing man in my house has for a minute surrendered to the lure of this particular All-American food? I'm not sure. But either way, it was at that moment that he came back to Earth. I finally viewed him as a human being, not an alien herbivore.

So, back to lunch. After we picked out all the gay waiters from the straight ones, and after Rawboy's rant about how ours didn't fully acknowlegde him, we touched on the subject of us. I told Rawboy everything I felt, wanted, and needed from him. And he listened, like a good gay boy should. And although he never said any of these feelings were mutual, he didn't say they weren't. He did say, though, what I needed to hear and THAT was that it would cause problems for the both of us. And he is right. I already knew this, but I am cursed with an impulsive heart, which does usually cause such problems. Maybe it's just been so long that I've forgotten all of that. In either case, now I can go about my day with a clear conscious, not caring that Rawboy knows what I'm thinking. I should be able to have an attractive roommate without falling victim to his charms. Or body. Right? Maybe we can just all get along.

We get into the car and before we drive off Rawboy gently wipes a piece of hair out of my face. My reaction was to look at him and laugh, as he said "We might as well have fun with it...." Great. Fuck YOU, Rawboy. That's fine. Let's do that. Now pull down your pants.


Stay tuned, my good people. In a few weeks I'll either be pregnant or dead. -DYVACREEM