Saturday, January 31, 2009
untitled
i don't think i will live a long life. i believe god has marked me as one who does not appreciate what i have, therefore he will one day soon strike me down or create an incurable disease inside of me. the sad thing is that i wouldn't have a difficult time accepting it. i cannot seem to get a grip on my reality, whatever that may be. it seems as though i will never be happy, especially living with the circumstances i have created for myself. i too often look at my daughter with resentment and regret and thoughts of what could have been won't leave my mind. i'm living this robotic existence and cannot seem to find love or anyone who i could share the rest of my life with. today is a bad day for contentment. it's just not happening. i want to go away for awhile. somewhere hot and sunny and full of water. no mailbox. no car. no noise. the only thing priceless is silence.
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2 comments:
Or, you could live a very, very long time, long enough to learn to appreciate what you have and then even longer to help others also learn to appreciate all they have. Just a thought.
You don't have to appreciate everything, you know. I'm sitting in a sunny spot in my kitchen right now. I have to get up and go outside into the crappy cold in ten minutes. So maybe I only appreciate these ten minutes and a couple more this afternoon when Alex gets Greta laughing hysterically, and a few more minutes in the blissful silence that follows their bedtime before I realize how much homework I have. So what if I'm an ungrateful bitch the rest of the time? At least I sat in the sunshine for ten minutes.
Only the bitter live long lives...look at the people you work with. And look at my father...
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