Mustard.

well, tonight i'd like to discuss the various types of mustard that i have tasted in my 300 years as an alcoholic. First there was French's yellow mustard. GREAT on hotdogs (i like to blend a little relish in there, for that baseball stadium feel), also good with french fries when mixed with a little ketchup. ketchup by itself was ok when i was a kid, then my tastes matured a bit and i started to get into spicier foods. so i added a little mustard to my ketchup to offset the sweetness of the sugary tomato concoction. Second, came honey mustard. now honey mustard is one of those condiments that would make dogshit taste good. you could put honey mustard on just about anything, and people would eat it. fries, salad, chicken, dogshit... whoever thought honey and mustard would blend so perfectly together must have invented the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. third, i'd like to introduce grey poupon. what can i say. that is the best fucking mustard on this great, green earth and what IS REALLY in grey poupon?? i don't think they even list the ingredients. all they say is "made with white wine". i think they left out one of the major ingredients, like crack. i won't even touch a fry anymore without my grey poupon. i don't blame the guy in the limousine. he knew his shit. especially when it came to mustard. man, i love that stuff. but i don't buy it in the new squeeze bottle. nope. that's like drinking tott's champagne out of a plastic cup. only glass jars for me, baby. so children- what have we learned tonight about these three different types of mustard? very good! eating dogshit is ok as long as it's covered in honey mustard.