Monday, September 29, 2008
new post
just letting my 2 faithful readers know that i'm still alive...having to get up at the fucking crack of dawn during the week is kicking my ass, and it has totally and utterly destroyed not only my social life, but my non-social life of mommy time after 10pm. i don't even have the energy at this moment to get you up to date on the sooooo exciting events of the last 2 weeks. drained. i'm just drained. but i swear- i have so much to say!! so check back in maybe tomorrow. who knows. i may still be alive. love to you all,
Sunday, September 14, 2008
SCUPPERNONG
SOOOOOOO..... i'm giving up drinking. it's day #4. haven't gotten the shakes yet, but i've certainly shed a few wet ones. tears, that is. funny though- i'm not sure whether it's from my break-up with beer, or just plain ol' depression. i'm not making any major commitments, but i'm going to go as long as i can. maybe a month if i'm lucky. i'm my own experiment. i'm curious to see how alcohol effects my life- my moods, my sadness, my happiness, my money, my relationship with my dog....
after day #2, i went to my first party. i thought my friends would be supportive and cheer me on, being that this decision could only be seen as a positive one. i was wrong as a motherfucker. "WHAT? YOU DUMB ASS! ARE YOU SERIOUS? I BOUGHT YOU THIS FUCKING BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE! CAN'T YOU START THIS THING TOMORROW? IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! THIS BEER IS IMPORTED! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GO JOIN A MONASTERY YOU SOBER BITCH!"
i love my friends. i do. and i asked some of my sober friends how to let go of the drunk ones who don't support you. the answers varied. my backlash is yet to be seen.
but my biggest problem right now is the alcoholic obligations i have made BEFORE my decision to nix the drink. i have some really cool neighbors who brew their own beer. and it's a pretty big deal when a batch is finished- i'm there with a quickness to receive a big bottle of the latest batch. it's an exciting time. when rawboy lived here, we always drank it together and discussed it's unique flavors, placing our careful and fair judgement. now i not only have ONE bottle of delicious neighborly brew, but TWO! and the second one is their ANNIVERSARY brew! the one i've been waiting for! we've ALL been waiting for! 13 years of fucking marriage SHOULD be celebrated- by the neighbors, by their neighbors, and ME! we will all guzzle in unison and the world will be a better place, and the long marriage will suddenly make sense, and it would all be worth it in the end- for the anniversary brew. i can hear it fermenting now from my kitchen...."Drink me now, and you, too, will have a happy 13 year marriage..."
i sent rawboy a lame text message inviting him over to share the beer. i mean hey, it's tradition. so he accepts the offer, meeting at the end of the week, in a 2 second phone conversation- very rawboy. and then, a few days later, i decide to quit. quit the beer, the wine, the espresso flavored vodka. and i cancelled my beer date with rawboy. it's all for the best. but i haven't told you about the SCUPPERNONG...
as some of my dedicated blogsters know, i now work with seniors. most of them are near the end, or at least they appear to be, and so they deserve a little wine every now and then. right? so i organized a little "wine tasting" for my old people, and it was a big success. they come out of their rooms for food, bingo, and wine. well, my favorite couple was there, and mentioned that if i were to have a wine tasting on VIRGINIA wines, then i would have to have a wine known as SCUPPERNONG. apparently, it's the only true virginia wine, and dates back to like 1200 b.c.
so i promised my couple i'd have this sacred wine at our next tasting.
well, once again, if you're a faithful dyvacreem reader, then you'd remember my blog "Til Death Do Us Part." tina, half of my couple, took sick and went into the hospital. walter, her husband, left too, and they are no longer with me. tina got moved to a rehabilitation center, where she now lives. the day walter came back to get the rest of her things, he took me to the side and handed me a bottle of SCUPPERNONG virginia wine. they never made it to the next wine tasting, and he wanted me to have it. so no, i'm not letting go of my scuppernong wine. it may never be opened, maybe one day it will. but this one's sentimental.
and there it is. if you love me- i mean really, really love me, you'll give a little more support than "fuck you" or "good luck". geez, i know some real assholes... but anyway, i do idolize a few of my friends, and brigette, you're one of 'em. thanks for your awesome self. i'll be in touch.
soberly yours(for now),
after day #2, i went to my first party. i thought my friends would be supportive and cheer me on, being that this decision could only be seen as a positive one. i was wrong as a motherfucker. "WHAT? YOU DUMB ASS! ARE YOU SERIOUS? I BOUGHT YOU THIS FUCKING BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE! CAN'T YOU START THIS THING TOMORROW? IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! THIS BEER IS IMPORTED! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GO JOIN A MONASTERY YOU SOBER BITCH!"
i love my friends. i do. and i asked some of my sober friends how to let go of the drunk ones who don't support you. the answers varied. my backlash is yet to be seen.
but my biggest problem right now is the alcoholic obligations i have made BEFORE my decision to nix the drink. i have some really cool neighbors who brew their own beer. and it's a pretty big deal when a batch is finished- i'm there with a quickness to receive a big bottle of the latest batch. it's an exciting time. when rawboy lived here, we always drank it together and discussed it's unique flavors, placing our careful and fair judgement. now i not only have ONE bottle of delicious neighborly brew, but TWO! and the second one is their ANNIVERSARY brew! the one i've been waiting for! we've ALL been waiting for! 13 years of fucking marriage SHOULD be celebrated- by the neighbors, by their neighbors, and ME! we will all guzzle in unison and the world will be a better place, and the long marriage will suddenly make sense, and it would all be worth it in the end- for the anniversary brew. i can hear it fermenting now from my kitchen...."Drink me now, and you, too, will have a happy 13 year marriage..."
i sent rawboy a lame text message inviting him over to share the beer. i mean hey, it's tradition. so he accepts the offer, meeting at the end of the week, in a 2 second phone conversation- very rawboy. and then, a few days later, i decide to quit. quit the beer, the wine, the espresso flavored vodka. and i cancelled my beer date with rawboy. it's all for the best. but i haven't told you about the SCUPPERNONG...
as some of my dedicated blogsters know, i now work with seniors. most of them are near the end, or at least they appear to be, and so they deserve a little wine every now and then. right? so i organized a little "wine tasting" for my old people, and it was a big success. they come out of their rooms for food, bingo, and wine. well, my favorite couple was there, and mentioned that if i were to have a wine tasting on VIRGINIA wines, then i would have to have a wine known as SCUPPERNONG. apparently, it's the only true virginia wine, and dates back to like 1200 b.c.
so i promised my couple i'd have this sacred wine at our next tasting.
well, once again, if you're a faithful dyvacreem reader, then you'd remember my blog "Til Death Do Us Part." tina, half of my couple, took sick and went into the hospital. walter, her husband, left too, and they are no longer with me. tina got moved to a rehabilitation center, where she now lives. the day walter came back to get the rest of her things, he took me to the side and handed me a bottle of SCUPPERNONG virginia wine. they never made it to the next wine tasting, and he wanted me to have it. so no, i'm not letting go of my scuppernong wine. it may never be opened, maybe one day it will. but this one's sentimental.
and there it is. if you love me- i mean really, really love me, you'll give a little more support than "fuck you" or "good luck". geez, i know some real assholes... but anyway, i do idolize a few of my friends, and brigette, you're one of 'em. thanks for your awesome self. i'll be in touch.
soberly yours(for now),
Sunday, September 7, 2008
richmond chainsaw massacre
I WANT A CHAINSAW.
do you have to fill out an application to buy a chainsaw? is there a 5 day waiting period? a background check? JESUS! you can buy a fucking chainsaw at HOME DEPOT!
my daddy bought me an electric hedge trimmer today. i went crazy with that fucking thing. it started with the hedges- nice, even, round stupid bushes. then the branches growing against the house. then the big bush in the backyard that keeps attacking me. then i just couldn't stop. i wanted to cut through the fence. i wanted to slice my dog's head off. i wanted to throw it at my bitch of a neighbor as she peddled her tall ass into her driveway from a long, nice bike ride. skinny bitch. i trimmed the trash can. i trimmed the gutters. YES, THE VIBRATION!! HAHAHAHHEEEEEHAAAHG! my whole yard looks like it's joining the fucking military. pounds and pounds of foliage gone. i feel refreshed. i feel new and clean. i think i'll shave my bikini line with it. i want an upgrade. i want a chainsaw. no more trees. for ANYONE!
i'm going to bed.
do you have to fill out an application to buy a chainsaw? is there a 5 day waiting period? a background check? JESUS! you can buy a fucking chainsaw at HOME DEPOT!
my daddy bought me an electric hedge trimmer today. i went crazy with that fucking thing. it started with the hedges- nice, even, round stupid bushes. then the branches growing against the house. then the big bush in the backyard that keeps attacking me. then i just couldn't stop. i wanted to cut through the fence. i wanted to slice my dog's head off. i wanted to throw it at my bitch of a neighbor as she peddled her tall ass into her driveway from a long, nice bike ride. skinny bitch. i trimmed the trash can. i trimmed the gutters. YES, THE VIBRATION!! HAHAHAHHEEEEEHAAAHG! my whole yard looks like it's joining the fucking military. pounds and pounds of foliage gone. i feel refreshed. i feel new and clean. i think i'll shave my bikini line with it. i want an upgrade. i want a chainsaw. no more trees. for ANYONE!
i'm going to bed.
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