Far Away

OK, bloggers. This may very well be the most serious post you'll read from me- or maybe not- who knows.

As you know, Rawboy is moving out. I swear. Although I prematurely went through my mourning phase over the whole ordeal, I am now at peace with the situation and am looking forward to his absence. I want to reclaim my house and myself. I no longer want to share groceries or moments or space. The remainder of his journey has absolutely nothing to do with ME. So good-bye, Rawboy. You made for a great story.

On a dimmer note, I am feeling very far away. Tonight, especially, as I lay in bed and fantasize about the past, thoughts of old lovers and happier times pass through my mind like fast clouds. I thought about where I was then and where I'm at now. And I feel very far away. I don't know how else to explain it. Just far away.

So after a very pathetic orgasm, the tears start to crawl down my cheeks and into my ears, and maybe God sees the sadness in my face, and maybe not. I just want that miscellaneous pill to kick in so I can fall asleep.

My new job is kicking my ass, but in a good way. I love my job. "Activities Director" for these people has somehow morphed into hairstyler, ass-wiper, wheelchair pusher, feed me-clothe me, counselor, and mediator, among other things. I'm finding that they need me much more for their daily routine than they need me for random activities. And that's ok. Being there for them makes me happy and gives me a hell of alot more purpose than serving a steak or mixing a drink. Now I just need more time in the day. I'm tired. I need gas money. And where's my social life.

Okaaaaay, pill...what the hell?

So next month it's back to living alone, talking to myself, and scrounging for mortgage money. I guess I'll get to know my dog a little better, as well as my couch. I am a part of a large population of strong single women, and all I can say is- I've made it this far. Trust me- I shouldn't have.

Brigette, if you're out there... you're a kick-ass chick. If I were a guy,(or gay), I'd want you for myself. Hang in there. And thank you for always saving me.

And Rawboy, thank you for tonight's pina colada. (He added frozen organic bananas!)

Much love to you all-