untitled

i don't think i will live a long life. i believe god has marked me as one who does not appreciate what i have, therefore he will one day soon strike me down or create an incurable disease inside of me. the sad thing is that i wouldn't have a difficult time accepting it. i cannot seem to get a grip on my reality, whatever that may be. it seems as though i will never be happy, especially living with the circumstances i have created for myself. i too often look at my daughter with resentment and regret and thoughts of what could have been won't leave my mind. i'm living this robotic existence and cannot seem to find love or anyone who i could share the rest of my life with. today is a bad day for contentment. it's just not happening. i want to go away for awhile. somewhere hot and sunny and full of water. no mailbox. no car. no noise. the only thing priceless is silence.